Dreams only last for a night

Day #365

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 18:01:07 -0400

Here goes the beginning of the end. I was dotted with sparks of inspiration earlier today, and I still am. I’m not quite sure what to make of the fact that I’m done with this blog for good. I mean sure, I’d start a few sub-blogs or whatever, but this is one part that’s over. My mind’s been set on a 365-day photo blog for quite a while now, just to reignite my passion for photography and fuel it. I’m uncertain yet, but it’s in the works, most likely.
I’d like to take a moment to revisit where I’d been 365 days ago. I had an idea, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go on with it for a whole year, which only made this a whole lot more exciting than I’d give it the credit to be. I didn’t start this as something mandatory though, and it made it a little easier to deal with that way, but I assume I was persistent enough to proceed with it every day.
So here I am, one year later. If all fails throughout my teenage years, at least that’s something to pull out of this mess, a little goal that’s finally been achieved and off my chest. It’s almost insane how many things can change in a year, and how much a perspective on its own would take a twist once spread on a sheet of potential. I’m grateful, that’s for sure. Grateful that despite the uselessness of the past years, I’ve gained something worth everything out of it. At least it’s something I could look back on, and laugh at how immature my thoughts were, but having an entrance to my mindset at the time.
It’s been a good year and I intend to go on with my mindless blogging, but for now, I can’t come up with a conclusion that would be the perfect bow on top, so I’ll end it with a farewell and hopes for better times ahead. Adios!

Day #364

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 16:38:24 -0400

I’ve been prolonging this for the longest time. Maybe it’s for a reason or a specific purpose, no one could really tell just yet. I’m beginning to think that having the time to sit solitarily with my thoughts is lethal, in its own twisted way. They are somehow my best friends and worst enemies, and as unusual as it may sound, I’d never give that up for a thing. It’s my stupidest and most ridiculous of thoughts that make me who I am, not that I’m quite proud just yet, but I’m working on it. I couldn’t think of a way to phrase them, unfathomable in a non-complex way. It’s not surprising, as I’ve recently been facing the realization that I’m bad at phrasing things, no matter how simple. Not a pity act at all, but more of a droning idea that sits at the back of my head being my sternest critic. I hope I’m wrong, because I’m aware just how devastating it is to devote so much of your time into something you’re not naturally talented at, and I do love writing a whole lot, but sometimes I’m uncertain of many things I write and I’d get pretty skeptical about a few things here and there, mostly. I need the confidence boost at times, and it’s a majority of time that I don’t know where to get it. Loose ends to the ties until I make it by.

Day #363

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 15:14:48 -0400

I can’t stop thinking today. My brain’s on a roll, and it won’t let me go, at least for now. I’m the furthest from organized, but all I know is that I have those thoughts that can be expressed in a way or another, but instead they choose to pile up in my head and form a clog of notions. I’d write a poem, but I don’t have words. I’d draw, but that practically cancels itself out with my terrible drawing skills. I’m gonna be stuck here with my make-believe way with words that I’m not so sure I have, after all. It’s all too much to bother with writing, and if I were to scrawl my entire train of thought I’d need the entire day. I take one day for granted far too many times, and that’s not something I should take upon seeing as it’s a waste of time every time. Some things can never be learned, but I can only hope to improve that about my ideal thinking.

Day #362

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 15:35:59 -0400

It’s almost as if I want the days to go by quickly. Some days do, undeniably, and others drag on. In essence, it’s what’s been done throughout the day that matters rather than how long the day’s been. I wouldn’t exactly call a day productive until it pays off. Granted, some days are as productive as you can deem them to be and others take a while for you to realize that you’ve spent them well, but in the end it’s what pays off that matters and nothing else. I only have a slight clue as to what I’m rambling on about. Physics takes out the best in me and drains it all away, and in all honesty, over five hours of trying to stomach the concepts and laws of it were more than enough for me to lose my mind. I don’t enjoy physics in the slightest, it makes no sense to me and I’d much rather do maths instead. I hope today turns out to be one of those days spent very well.

Day #361

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 12:00:05 -0500

I’m almost scared. Almost. I don’t want to write a thing to make this blog look stupid. I’ve already done my fair share of that, and I’d love for the last five days of it to end well. It’s almost as if I’ve been doing this my entire life, because when it all boils down and all is said and done, it feels a little sad and a little enthralling; bittersweet, in a better sense. I’ve grown into this habit of letting out the various rants in my head, some of which make sense and others that don’t. But the point of it is that I write out everything I feel like writing, and that form of expression on its own is worth everything. I’ve been so used to it to the point that I’m contemplating my next 365-day project when I’m not done with this one just yet, but I guess it goes down to the fact that by taking a small portion of time each day, I make it worth something instead of wasting it on absolute nothingness. It’s nice to have something, no matter how minimal, to accomplish.

Day #360

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 16:33:19 -0500

Those demons eating away at one’s brains are the worst kind of demons. The ones that show themselves in the form of a small voice in the back of your head, niggling at your mind and rendering you restless as you’re clouded over with thoughts that aren’t so pretty. The creatures of the night, that insist on bringing you down with them. We all have those, and some of us are sadly all too familiar with them to the point that being up at ridiculous hours of the nights being devoured by thoughts has become the norm. It’s almost tragic how they impose themselves, slowly creeping up to entirely take over your thoughts without really giving you much of an option or any idea that you’re in for the long run. It’s those exact thoughts that pick on each of us, differing from one person to the other but having one effect all the same— distress.

Day #359

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 15:57:40 -0500

Millions of ideas imposed, and millions of opinions derived, but barely any have been accepted. Not that opinions would need approval, anyways. But when one person has a certain opinion that doesn’t exactly agree with everyone else’s point of view (Or the more common one, in general), mayhem occurs, and it’s complete chaos and even though it’s merely a matter of opinion, said person could easily be led to believe that they’re wrong or abnormal. One concept that people tend to forget remembering is that no one’s correct when it comes to opinions. Just because it’s the ‘normal’ thing to hate carrots, doesn’t mean liking them is the end of the world, or that liking them is wrong, strange, or frowned upon, really. People have different opinions and different concepts, but the one concept everyone should collectively agree on is that it’s alright not to agree with someone else. Like they say, different strokes for different folks.. Or something similar to that.

Day #358

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 15:25:00 -0500

One of the best feelings is getting rid of one of your insecurities, permanently, I hope. Today I finally got my braces removed, and it was one of the better things that happened this year. Not because I got rid of a main source of nuisance, because although that’s partially true, it’s not all the reason for why I’d been more than glad to have my braces removed. I’ve babbled on here a fair amount about how insecure I’ve been about my teeth and all that stuff, then I had a sugery done, then had retainers, then braces, and it’s been a hectic process. It wasn’t pleasant at all, either, and that was the thing. Because I wouldn’t really be too bummed about it if I hadn’t spent three years back and forth from one dentist to the other. It’s just a really complicated and long process, full of dentist offices and waiting rooms, but I eventually made it, and for that, I think, I’ve earned the right to be proud of my teeth the way they look, despite how conceited that may sound on my part.

I’ve also had plenty of experience and learned so much today, in some way. I’m glad, and I’m thankful.

Day #357

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 14:09:32 -0500

Do what you do at your own pace, but as you stand up for what you think is right, or stick up for someone who you think has been treated unfairly, or do something that you love— stick to it. Whatever you do, go through with it and work with dignified means that show just how passionate you are about your cause, otherwise you’re considered useless in the eyes of others working for a cause much like your own. You can’t stand up for women rights and make a sexist joke because you deem yourself funny. You can’t take a stand against bullying and then call someone fat or ugly. That’s not how it works. And in fact, you’re completely contradicting yourself and taking a turn to the wrong way when you do these things. It doesn’t help anyone, and when you take a step back just to make a witty comment that may have not been found funny at all, you’re only making matters worse. It’s not about what you do, but it’s always about how you do it.

Day #356

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 14:08:08 -0500

Part II. As poems have no restraints.
I’m sitting here, torn between
being in love with this beautiful city,
all the street lights that give me
that little bit of reassurance
that for another night, I’m here
and for another night, I’m safe.
The sun reappearing every morning,
to prove that my life,
in a place I call home,
is still ongoing and alive.
I’m thankful for a roof, electricity and safety,
I’m thankful for another chance, each morning less hasty.
But as thankful as I am,
there are places I wanna be.
There are dreams I wanna chase,
there are hopes for me in other places.
And maybe, just maybe,
as much as I’d call this home,
it’s not where I’m destined to be for a while.
And maybe, just maybe,
I’m only losing my mind.

Day #355

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 10:52:38 -0500

Distance.
If I could write you a poem,
I’d tell you about the misery you’ve put me through.
The people I’ve not quite met yet,
all of which was thanks to you.
I’d tell you about everything I’ve wanted to do,
and every goal I’d wanted to accomplish.
About every single time you’d put me in the face of reality,
and about every time I’d thought about your unwanted existence.
I’d tell you how you’ve pushed me off the edge a couple of times,
but my, how ironic, if you’d been banished, then it wouldn’t be much of a crime.
I’d talk, and I’d talk endlessly.
I’d ramble about the restraints you’ve put,
to every single one of my wishes.
I wouldn’t quite get to the point,
as if you’d even listen,
but here’s to you,
and to you only.
You’re nothing but space to raise the challenge,
and I’d deem it impossible,
but I’ll take the risk,
and go.
Because I want to.

Day #354

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 10:43:32 -0500

The world is a beautiful place when you give yourself the time to look at it. When you give it the opportunity to show you what it’s capable of doing, when you just stop for a moment and take in all the charm around you. It’s captivating in every sense of detail, sometimes a little too magnificent for the brain to comprehend. It’s a wonder we’re all capable of existing on this planet, yet more of us don’t see the raw beauty in it. It’s often a thing that’s slipped by— What with how busy some people’s lives are, and how everything goes by at a pace too fast for us to remember that we need to take a moment to stop and appreciate everything that surrounds us to the deep core. The low hum of the wind, creeping up every so often, never failing to give that breeze that would remind you to breathe in. The chirping of the birds, sunrises and sunsets, stars sparkling amidst the sky at night, those birds migrating from one sky to another merely because they can. We often miss out on those things unknowingly. We often plug in our headphones playing a melody that distracts us from listening to nature, we hide from the weather and lock ourselves indoors, seldom getting a sufficient amount of fresh air as we don’t recognize its importance anymore. We use street lights that, despite being majorly helpful at most times, block out the view of the stars in the city. We shelter ourselves from birds instead of feeding them, and it’s those people of rare kinds that remember to be grateful for nature.
Our excuse is that we simply forget, don’t we?

Day #353

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 16:14:09 -0500

Day after day, life seems to dissipate and break apart to different smithereens that, in their own way, form the bigger piece that moulds perfectly into the huge puzzle that is life. Yet to be defined with certainty, you’d come to realize that no matter how advanced we think we are— And no matter how far technology goes for however long as we may live, we probably won’t get to crack the entire idea of life as we know it. Sure, we’d have a lot covered and mostly we’d think we’ve had the entire thing figured out, and that happens more than often when, as a species, humans assume they’ve resolved everything until another few weeks where a new discovery is revealed and we’re all back to square one. The point of living doesn’t necessarily revolve around what life is, but it’s more so about what you do to make that life what it is. Science’s never hurt anyone, though obsessing over it has never benefitted anyone either.

Day #352

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:00:23 -0500

Movies can really change your point of view on things. For a brief while, whatever movie you’ve watched keeps crawling back to your memory, leading you to an imaginary tale in your head being told. And it’s almost magnificent how much of an effect it would have. I wouldn’t know if it’s only me that gets absolutely paranoid after watching thriller/horror movies, but it happens a lot more than I’d like to admit. I’ve never watched a horror movie without spending the night awake and waiting for the sun to shine. Sunrise resembles safety, and that’s when I’d feel most comfortable going to sleep seeing as whatever I’m paranoid about would be able to be shoved into the back of my mind as that little ray peeking through the curtains reassures me that I’m safe for another day, and that I’m thankful for.

Day #351

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 07:52:36 -0500

I’m not certain how long I’ve been here— Crouched down and left with my thoughts and the slow patters from where you can hear the droplets of water meeting the bathtub’s flooring. As I sit, delving into everything I’ve been thinking about for the day, I come up to a few conclusions and the most prominent one is that nothing can make anyone’s opinion change in the eye of a person with a contrasting opinion. Nonetheless, opinions are opinions and there isn’t much that can be done about that. But when perspective meets contrasting perspective, that’s when distaster takes place. And it’s not good at the least.

Day #350

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:28:56 -0500

The oddest concept by far is the concept of time. Surely, what with the cycle of the sun and moon and the Earth itself, it’s a bit of an imposed concept. But in all fairness, it’s also an idea that humans have come up with. At least most of it. It has its positives and negatives, as everything does, really. If time wasn’t a considerable thought, people would worry a whole lot less. The world would be unbelievably chaotic, and that’s for sure, but having to ‘rush’ somewhere isn’t quite an issue anymore— in a bit of sense. Although, in a world without time, people would barely ever get along. It’s sometimes the most important thing, and sometimes the most unwanted of them. I don’t want to delve too deep into that subject, merely to avoid at least five paragraphs of confused explanation. All I’ll leave to it is that I find it very bafflng and very interesting.

Day #349

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:15:55 -0500

If misconception and misunderstanding could be eliminated from existence, life would turn out pretty fine. Surely the odds of impermanent life being perfect isn’t that much of a possibility, but then again, it can’t be all that bad. If a person was led to believing in the correct ideas, they could never steer too far from the correct path. But you see, too much of a good thing will eventually lead to bad things. It’s never good to have too much of anything, because in the end that’s what makes it impossible to go in whatever direction it’s aimed at. And in a general sense, too much belief can lead to extremity and other faulty thoughts, and none of it is correct. Being moderate is the most important thing, and sadly, it isn’t emphasized enough.

Day #348

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 13:51:49 -0500

Same mistakes, same arguments, same battles within one’s head that never go out to be channelled towards more positive possibilities. And here I am, again, stuck being a contradict of what I’m supposed to be in my own mind. I think bitter disappointment happens once every while but it hits hard when it does. Everything one would work for can go to absolute obliteration as soon as the chance rolls along. I’m not sure what my thoughts are, but however they may be arranged is a foreign idea to me seeing as it makes no sense. I don’t make sense. But that’s not necessary. Being void of ideas can sometimes be good, maybe a faded idea or outline of a better tomorrow. One can only wish.

Day #347

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 12:59:17 -0500

Principles. We all have them, we all work by them, and each human to their own— None to interfere with the other no matter how convinced they may be to have taken effect. It’s nature, more or less, to have those bindings whatever you do and wherever you are, a matter of perspective above all.
Habits come and go. Pretty similar to the earlier concept besides extremely irrelevant. If one was to ever ponder about existence, that is a starting point, for every creature has their own. It’s impressive, and it fills the voids of my thoughts rather than simply filling fissures and crevices with meaningless words that tend to appear a lot more meaningful than intended.
Fairly unusual habit of mine during evenings; staying in my room in solitary. Even if for a few minutes, just to take off the pressure of the day, listen to music, read a book, or just lay there aimlessly. I have that period of time for myself, whether it be an hour, a half, or even ten minutes. Point being, it’s essential. I think every person needs that sort of reassurance to return to at the end of the day, just to be isolated and let out all those negative thoughts. Go to bed content, or at least with a clear head and peace of mind if being content is a bit of a far goal for the day. I’ve said this hundreds of times before, but solitariness is majorly underrated.

Day #346

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:41:33 -0500

If there are two things in the world that I don’t believe in, they’re scales and battery percentages. Dead serious.
As of scales, I don’t like using them, simply. I don’t weigh myself, and when someone asks me about my weight and I say that I don’t know it, I get some pretty odd looks, and sometimes it just seems that I’m lying. But I’m not, and that’s the thing. Surely enough, I don’t have a body to be proud about, but I don’t take losing/gaining weight as a matter of numbers, I take it as it looks. Granted, if my weight was unhealthy, I’d probably be a little more persuaded to use a scale, but as of now when I’m okay with the idea of losing weight based on how I look, then that’s the method I’d be following.
Battery percentages— A little weird to be discussing, but seeing the percentage of my phone’s battery stresses me out. If it’s under 70%, I’m in constant worry that my battery would run out, even if I’m not using my phone, and seemingly, when I don’t have it on, I tend to convince myself that the battery’s just fine. Although, I won’t deny, I do use it sometimes if it’s completely necessary.
So basically, two things that I’m not quite convinced with the concept of. Madness.